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| Revised storyboard |
First animatic
We got some valuable feedback regarding our pitch and got advice from Dotty about a few of our queries. We're also changing the character designs a bit. From the choices Damo showed me, I thought the design with more defined edges generally looked better but Dotty pointed it out that it was a bit out of place with the painterly backgrounds so Damo will be giving the character design a more painterly look with less defined edges.
What worked:
- Good distinction between backgrounds and characters
- Nice style with backgrounds and characters
- Good story
How can it be improved:
- Make it less cutesy by changing music choice and possibly message on card
- Cut down animation further by having black screen lit up by phone screen
- Add back of partner in bed at beginning and make main character sneak out
- Make character intend to go to John Lewis instead of wandering there
- Focus on character acting
- Add an escalator montage and move carpet man to escalator scene
- Have character looking at different things within same scene instead of walking past them
- Make the hands covering the eyes of the partner clearer
- Story discrepancy about buying mirror as present for partner instead of himself - add an implied engagement ring in a box at the very end
- Change character design to fancy version but take out tie and make him look look more painted
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